"How have I managed to create this in my life and for what purpose?"

The power of this is that if you ask yourself a different questions you'll get a different answer.  When I ask myself and my clients this question it's amazing what pops into their minds to give them a new and empowering perspective on their situation.  These answers often come directly from our unconscious minds.  People at cause empower themselves because they keep hold of the problem.  They do not give away the opportunity to find a solution by blaming others.  You see, if you keep the problem inside yourself then you will always have the opportunity to find a solution.  Are you with me on this?  This is the most empowering way to lead your life.  For example, if you are in a relationship that's not working for  you and you blame the other person, because in your model of the world they never do anything right, you are likely to stay stuck in the Grey Zone and remain miserable.  If, however, you are at cause, you take responsibility for the relationship and if it's not working, you know you have the choice to do something different.  There's always a choice for people at cause, whereas in contrast it often feels like you have no choice when you are at effect.

People at cause take more decisions than most people because they are always pro-actively searching out a new solution.  The law of averages dictates that not all will work out well.  However, people at cause ask themselves another great question.  Instead of beating themselves up when things don't go exactly to plan, they ask:

"What could I do differently next time?"

This focus them on trying something else next time instead of on what they did wrong.  I've noticed that many of my coaching clients get stuck in the same old behavior loop.  They believe if something isn't working well the solution is to do more of it.  They invest more time and money in something that is already proven not to work.  They become like the hamster in the hamster wheel, running faster and faster and getting nowwhere.  Madness. I like to say:

"If you always do what you've always done you always get what you've always got."

I have a met a woman who says this mantra quite literally changed her life and it'll change yours too.  Asking 'What could I do differently next time?' helps to you break out of the old behavior patterns.

Contributed by:
Change Your Life with NLP : Lindsey Agness

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